I will be the first one to admit I'm a cry baby and not that strong of a person, or so I thought. I was a spoiled child growing up, and now married to the most amazing man that is continuing the spoiling. After I had Mason, I was a mess and struggled with severe post partum depression. So, when I got pregnant with Kaden I was worried it would come back. How would I deal with the sleep less nights and demands of a newborn again?? Would I lie in bed a cry like I did with Mason?? Would my mom and Basil have to do everything for Kaden the first month like they did for Mason?? Thank goodness my "mommy genes" kicked it into high gear with Kaden and things went so smoothly. His delivery was great, he was a great nurser, and a champ sleeper. I was finally feeling like I had a grip on this whole motherhood thing and was feeling like a super mom with two kids. We were all clean, fed and happy, what more can you want.
After Kaden's diagnoses, my world came crashing down. I would look at my perfect baby and cry, there is nothing wrong with him, how could there be?? I would cry everytime I had to pump which was three time a day. Why can't I just nurse him, isn't breastmilk the best thing for a newborn?? What the he** is this medically altered formula I'm giving him and what the he** is it made from?? And of course my head was filled with questions of, why me? Did I do something wrong? Did I not take the right vitamins or eat something I shouldn't have?? I needed an excuse to blame myself.
Then one day, when Kaden was around 1year old, I woke up with amazing inner strength. I knew I could do this and handle this with Basil at my side. I don't want to cry anymore over this (yet I know I will from time to time, I'm a girl). I now have the strength to over come anything that gets in the way of Kaden having a normal life. I now know why Kaden was given to me, to help me find my inner strength and confidence. I'm now one of those crazy obsessive moms that will drive an hour to buy one ingredient and stay up all night cooking things for Kaden. I know I can find a way for him to eat like everyone else and will help him fit in as much as possible. I will because I'm his mom!!!
I truely know what it means to be a mom now. I can't feel sorry for myself or Kaden anymore. We are together for a reason and I'm so glad he is mine. HCU isn't him, just a part of him and I will do what ever I need to do to control it so he can be worry free and live life to the fullest.